I read this and I loved it. Because she wasn’t lying. She was absolutely honest. There is never a moment, even in the “break cycles” that you don’t stop trying. You pretend for sanity or arrogance or defiance sake, but u never really do stop trying and hoping as futile and impossible as it may be to even assume the possibility of a “miracle maybe baby” circumstances established of course, u still TRY. I loved it so much I cried at the sheer truth it bore as I read it out loud over and over and over and over…
Her blog is juststoptryinganditwillhappen
She did have her baby and it was an interesting read, there’s no more blogs from her since April 2016, but it was a refreshing read. Below is an excerpt…
As for me. I am still screenshoting Pinterest pregnancy announcements and and and.. Futile now I know. But heck, ima sucker like that! This month is a free month, I’m taking the femara and the usual vitamins but I am looking forward to the IVF. How time flies! I was so so hopeful after my op in February and here we are, same ol’ same ol’! I have more confidence and hope in this clinic and us testing the embryos etc. I’m not holding out for anything to come of this 4th round femara cycle..ok ok I’m lying. yes, there’s always that glimmer of hope but I know the IVF will come and possibly transfer of 2 or 3 embryos, provided they are all perfectly normal (please god! In advance 🙏🏼) and I hope to get much more eggs than the first silly clinic. But it feels good to not be so cautious. Letting loose almost. I can have a guilt free glass of wine. I’m not a heavy drinker, I passed that party stage of life a heck of a long time ago and infertility brings with it zero fun and a dry personality bleh. But I did rather enjoy the odd glass of wine.
So today I made my delicious lamb dish! It felt like the good ol’ days when we were young (breakout Adele singalong as I type 🎶). I would make my delicious meal, and my hubby is putty in my hands when it comes to food 😄, hubby and I would watch the rugga and have a few drinks, so chilled and free and young and naive and in love. No stress, no elephant in the room, no infertility woes, just us enjoying life. O how I wish we could have that back..but what I rather mean is: O how I wish we started fertility treatments back then 🙈. How this has consumed every single being and memory is just ridiculous. Instead of enjoyment of a past memory I think, if we only knew then what we knew now…hmmmm. We would have gone through the heartbreak and misery back then and we were younger opposed to now.
Again I read another blog. I don’t even know what this lady was smoking! But bloody hell she was way too strong and I could not even remotely relate. She said to embrace head on pregnancy announcements, baby showers, parties etc. and be thankful for sleeping in and a great body and no scarring body from childbirth etc etc and thank god for the valley and lessons learnt while in it and growing stronger. I’m sorry, I can’t 😕, that’s not me and will never be me. I will never thank god for this awful place I am in because it cannot be god’s will for me to be so sad all the time, really really it CAN NOT!
This month of June would have been the month of the birth of our baby had our first fresh ivf work… told my hubby that, his response was screw that shit. Yeah hey. Life is such..